I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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