im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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