i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
