i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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