I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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