Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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