Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
