my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
