So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
