By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
