Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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