Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
