Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
