Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
