I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
