Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
