Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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