It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
