i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you win again, gameday.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
it's great music for shaving your balls
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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