Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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