I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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