we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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