Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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