So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
