all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
