i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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