There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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