I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
