Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
