It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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