I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
try to milk me bitch
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