I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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