Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
