I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
