happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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