Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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