I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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