my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize