Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
