What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
