Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
