i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
