Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize