My Higher Power is John Stamos
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
