I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
