the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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