i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
