idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
