i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
