I hate your face
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
