yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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