so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
