Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
