my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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