No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
And then my night got REAL pukey
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
