Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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