I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
