One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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