bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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