drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
