Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
