she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize