420 ftw
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
