I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
